My Warrior Princess

Some say I am supposed to redirect my daughters aggression when it is directed towards others. I do not feel the need to. She is who she is and I am not going to allow anyone to take that away from her. I was taught to be more like Dr. King and living my dream in my non-violent way makes me forget sometimes that I may have to fight for my dream. So when my warrior princess' father knocked me down I looked up at him dumbfounded. Until I realized hey maybe I need to fight back, and maybe I need to fight back in the only way I can. The way that is going to allow me to win. Yes winning is the key. My daughter will not grow up learning to self-destruct like her father because no one ever taught that she is supposed to fight with purpose. So maybe right now understanding that fighting is a part of life is something I can teach her until she is old enough to understand fighting for a purpose is so much more real.
Her father has no fight left in him. He has chanced upon a vampire whose main goal in life is to suck him dry so that he can never again think for himself and can only think with a member of his body that is manipulated by her sexual prowess as a woman. Therefore, he will never amount to being his better than now self. He can never realize that when someone is good for you, you elevate. you move up in levels whether they are spiritually, mentally, physically, or financially. And when he is with her he plummets in all four levels. Spiritually he can't build a relationship with God because he spends his time smoking drinking and partying not looking for divine light to right the wrongs in his life. Mentally he can't even take on the task of being a father to one of his children let alone all five of them. Physically he can barely run up and down the street and has a pot belly and i usually don't compare but the love of my life at his age had a six pack and loved to run and jog and encourage me to go with him. Financially on this date he has no job, lost his car, can't even have call waiting on his phone line and most definitely can't pay his little bit of child support that the state has deemed necessary for him to pay to his 1 child. Who knows what the other women are getting. In the words of King B, "Partna lemme upgrade you." As a woman it is the job and duty of her to elevate and uplift her man. He should not fall into holes of this magnitude when he is YOUR man. Obviously you are doing nothing right. Keeping him from the places he is supposed to be out of a simple desire to prove that you have won, but won what? What is the prize? That woman that can't help this man even get to his halfway mark let alone his best self obviously isn't the woman anointed by God to be this man's partner for life and while she is keeping him away from his appointed place the man for her is being kept away from her. They live in misery together. Finding sweet solace in the blunts they smoke that allow them to be able to enjoy each other's bodies in familiar ways, but once the laughs good times and smokes run out there is nothing but contempt for each other. Not the warmth and contentment he felt with the woman he was supposed to be with. Needing nothing more than her company. Words never needed to be said, it was the quiet enjoyment of togetherness that kept them from wanting to stay apart. He co-signed for cars for her when he had nothing for himself. Putting not one but two TVs in the car that she drove daily as he bought bus passes for himself while he paid the note. Later on down the line when given an opportunity to stay with any woman of his choosing, he chose to sleep in this very same woman's car while having a broken leg unable to find comfort. But whatever she didn't have materially she made of for with love, and words to reassure and up build him. Yes that woman was me, and no I never felt a need to fight. Not for most things. Fighting when necessary was only for my personal success. So maybe now I need to understand things in a different light. My daughter is my warrior princess because she needs to understand when and why she needs to fight. She needs to understand that fighting is not always a bad thing, because according to an old adage, If you stand for nothing...you fall for anything. I want her to stand tall for the best life she can have and if that means a little kick push here and there and I'm not talking about skateboarding then so be it. It is what it is, you get one life and we aim to make the best of it.

Today

Today I choose life by living in today. I used to be a person that wanted to revel in the memories of yesterday, regrets, and the what ifs? However staying in that frame of mind causes one to be left behind missing out on the treasures of today because how can you see whats in front of you if your head is turned backwards trying to imitate an owl stretching necks to distorted proportions.
Life is a journey and I intend to live it as such. When one is taking a tour around the world it is very rare that they turn around and revisit a place that they didnt particularly enjoy. And why revisit places when there are so many more places to see. On my journey of life i want to continue to move forward. Yes, I am human and like many have experienced disappointments. There is no blame to be placed on disappointments. Disappointments are merely an opportunity to get a look at another part of yourself, reflect and learn. That is the only way a person is able to get to their best self.
I believe now I am a champion. I am constantly winning in my life daily. overcoming small obstacles to attain my goals and even though I had my life mapped out there is only one map maker of lives and that is the creator. As with any map I am always given two forks in roads after i reach a certain point in my destination and until now I have always chosen the side of the road that seemed easier out of fear of the unknown. Today I understand that. I also understand I will continuously be given this fork in the road that seems to totter on the verge of self destructive behavior until I make better choices. I can say that today because that is the intent I have now. That is to make better choices and to move in a deliberate way.
When my journey is over I want to have a feeling of relief in my life that I have lived the way I wanted to. I have been a wonderful mother and a best friend to my daughter. An example to those that needed one. A giving humanitarian who may or may not have had gobs of money to spare to those in need, but when the time came I gave my time, my energy and my self when I had nothing else to give because maybe one person could relate to me and I could help make thier journey a little bit more bearable when times weren't so easy. An educator, a caregiver, a success, and if it is possible a loving wife.
I live for today. I cannot correct the mistakes of my past, but I can be a better person today than i was yesterday and aim to be even better tomorrow. Isnt that what life is about? My belief is that it is about making the necessary changes to creating the best possible experience for yourself, because if you don't believe in yourself who else will? And I believe in me!